A Whole New World Of Information

Are you ready for real love? In this day and age of fast-paced and short-lived relationships, it's challenging and many times difficult, to find good, solid, effective, and useful, information that helps to build healthy and long-lasting romantic relationships. Whether you're single, married, divorced, or looking-to-be-married, these time-tested steps will help you and your current or future mate to create a long-lasting romantic bliss:

1) Always Be Your "True" Self

You are wonderfully and uniquely made by a loving Creator. If you find that you have to act or try to become someone you weren't born to be, in order to fulfill someone else's expectation, then something is seriously wrong. A true love will appreciate you for who you are and what you bring to the relationship, and vice-versa. If you feel as if you're being pressured to alter your character to do things you wouldn't usually do (drink, drugs, pre-mature sex, lie) so that the person will continue to see you, that's a certain sign that things are unhealthy. Your true love will gladly embrace you just for who you are-so don't be afraid, step out in faith and show your true self.

2) Develop Deep Communication with Each Other

A healthy relationship goes much deeper that a surface affair. Even though you may both look good arm-in-arm, or standing next to each other, whether at a concert, family reunion, Movie Theater, or at church, can you talk when you're alone? What's going on in your conversations-are they deep and meaningful or surface and bland? Do you discuss personal hopes, dreams and goals, or just talk about the weather and the plot to the latest drama? Can you count on each other to lend a listening ear, good advice, and undivided attention?

Good, honest, and deep conversation will keep you deeply connected. When in doubt, talk it out. Always keep the lines of communication open in your relationship.

3) Don't Ignore, but Explore Your Differences

Do your personalities blend well? Is one of you on the optimistic path while the other is on the pessimistic side of the road? Opposites may initially attract, but eventually they can repel each other. It's important that your personalities are compatible.

If one views life through rose colored glasses, while the other is always singing-the-blues, then you have to make some sort of adjustment to accommodate each other. The simple truth is oil and vinegar make an excellent salad dressing, but they don't mix well in romantic relationships, unless both personalities can explore each other and find some sort of balance. If you can adjust and love each other's personalities, regardless of any differences, and bring out the best when you're together, then this is a winning combo, and you could very well be a dynamic-duo in a life-long healthy relationship.

4) Share Similar Interest and Values

You don't have to have the exact interests. As a matter of fact, having diverse preferences can help you to share new and exciting things with each other. However, make sure you have at least a few common interests, so it won't be an ongoing battle over what to do and where to go to keep you both satisfied. You may have to compromise in some areas like sports, politics, movies, shopping, music, etc. Keep in mind that compromising doesn't mean depriving each other of their individual interests but instead it means participating in each other's interests.

5) Discuss Your Spiritual Beliefs Together

If you're not on common ground with your beliefs about who and what God means to each of you, this will eventually cause a rift in your relationship. Don't try to conceal your true beliefs and hope that it will all just one day fall in place-it won't. Make sure you talk about your faith honestly and openly with each other. There's a wise adage that states, "The couple that prays together, stays together."

6) Appreciate Each Other's Unique Body Temple

Let's face it, we're all built differently. We come in a variety of shapes, sizes, and shades. In order to have a healthy physical and emotional relationship, you must embrace and appreciate each other's total package. One of the worse things a couple can do to each other is to fantasize or try to fit their mate into someone else's body image. When you throw away preconceived "ideal body type" perceptions, you'll enjoy the true worth of your partner.

I remember years ago, one of my college friends, Nicolette, a five-foot-eight-inch, former beauty queen, adamantly refused to date any man under the six-foot mark. Her preconceived idea of the "ideal match" was "an athletic hunk who would be paid well for playing ball-footfall, basketball, or baseball would qualify him-as long as he had the height, the muscles, and the billfold." Well, after many heartbreaks, shallow relationships, and adopting a completely new outlook on life, she eagerly reports that she has been very happily married to a five-foot-five-inch dentist for over five years and "has since been blessed with two wonderful children to complete her healthy marriage."

Nicolette would have missed out on the love of her life had she remained stuck with false perceptions. Don't let this happen to you. Admire, appreciate, and enjoy your companion's body temple.

7) Talk About "The S-&M Factor" (Sex & Money)

Two of the biggest destroyers of healthy relationships are the misuse, abuse, lack of or over-use of sex and money (the S & M Factor). Both are very important and very personal in your love life. Yet, unfortunately, most couples make the mistake of not setting quality time aside early in their relationship to discuss these two vital components. To put it bluntly, "You've got to know where you're heading, before you get to the bedding; and know what you're spending before it gets beyond mending."

In deep romantic relationships, there is a world of difference between "having sex" and "making love," just as there is a major difference between being "involved" and "being in love." The misuse of sex, just like the misuse of money, causes major turbulence in relationships. These can be dangerous influences which overwhelm your relationship; or they can be healthy tools for intimacy and success. It's up to both you and your partner to know what sex and money means to each of you, and to make sure that you share your beliefs and feelings with each other. Otherwise, both the sex and money issues can become major conflicts which will destroy even the deepest love.

8) Try to Get Along With Each Other's Friends-n-Families

Although your happiness ultimately depends on how well the two of you get along with each other, some input from loved ones can be frosting on the cake. Do you have a healthy interaction with each other's close associates? Make sure you ask some supportive family members and/or dear friends their opinion about your choice in mate. If the advice is not what you want to hear, examine it closely, evaluate the source, pray about it, and make up your own mind anyway. Make sure you also meet your mate's family and closest friends, and discreetly observe their interactions with each other. Look if there is any dysfunctional family pattern that you need to address and get help with. There is a wise old saying, "Show me your company, I'll tell you who you are." Chances are, if your partner has a healthy interaction with loved ones, you will also get the same treatment-and so much more!

9) Stay Away From Negative People

It's important to make a special note here, that although the interactions of relatives and friends can be a plus in building a healthy relationship, some, unfortunately, can also be a minus. If you face unhealthy interference and discouragement from loved ones because of their personal insecurities, don't let them have any influence in your relationship. Both you and your mate must be on the same page and decide to keep negative people out of your personal love life in order to love and grow together in a harmonious, healthy relationship.

10) Learn to Laugh Together

This one doesn't need much explanation-if there's no joy, there's very little hope. Laughter keeps love alive. Find something that you can both get a good hearty laugh from. Here's a little secret that works wonders: A good sense of humor and a pleasant disposition has a magnetic attraction that makes people always want to be in your presence. How can that special person resist your gorgeous smile and sparkling eyes? Go ahead, laugh a bit-have fun and enjoy!

There you have it-the practical, useful and effective steps that will surely enhance your current or future relationship. You deserve to have an enjoyable, exciting, and loving healthy relationship with someone who loves you, just for who you are. You are worth it!

Michael B
miko_ik@yahoo.com
+234 802 746 0192

Why do some women always have men pursuing them, no matter what their age? I have a friend who is 74 who continually has interesting successful men asking her out. When I grow up, I want to be like her. She has sparkle. She has charm. She is a man magnet.

Recently, I asked a popular man magnet what some of her strategies were for attracting men, and research substantiates many of her points. Here are five secret tips to help you attract the man you want:

* Stand in the middle of the room.

Whenever you go to a party, try standing in the center of the room. (Don't hunch your shoulders, slouch, or wear a pair of shoes that hurt your feet so much you can't stand to stand.) Move around a little, talk with people near you, but if you want to be in a position to choose who you want to meet, never sit down. Stand smack dab in the middle of the crowd. When you see someone interesting, move near them--gracefully-- and start a conversation.

* Stand at the corners of the bar.

If you are at a bar, pub, or nightclub, staying at the corners of the bar is a good position. It's easier to meet people there. Bartenders tend to talk to the people at the corners also. The worst place to be seen is hanging out near the wall or sitting at a table or booth with other people. You are more difficult to approach if you are in a huddle with others. Go places with friends, but break away from them periodically and talk to people on your own.

* Look your best.

This may sound too obvious, but you never know where or when you are going to meet someone. Never go out of the house without looking your best. Even if you are headed to the gym or a run around the block, put on some lipstick and comb your hair. Know what colors you look good in, and wear attractive clothes in your best shades. Men are attracted to pink-peach. That color is flattering to most skin tones. People are also attracted to you when you are wearing the color(s) of your eyes. (You have multiple colors in your eyes--choose clothes that include one of those colors.)

* Be aware of your body language.

Body language is everything. Smile a lot, look people in the eyes, and when you see someone you are interested in, tilt your head, drop your eyes, and then look back at him. This may sound contrived, but it helps to know what subliminal messages are being sent by your actions. Apparently, giving your hair a slight flip is also an attraction signal, as well as stroking the inside of your arm or your neck. If a man is standing across the room, this is one way to let him know that you would be interested in talking to him.

* What not to do.

Attractive women know not to: talk about themselves non-stop, fold their arms, chew gum, pick at their nails, jiggle their foot, or crunch ice. All of this behavior suggests anxiety, frustration, or poor manners. Also--don't talk about your Ex. That is a major turn off.

When you go out and see attractive single men you want to meet, practice the above five secrets. Being a man magnet simply means that you are in control of the outcome of your evening, your week, and your life. Enjoy the adventure!

We've all had that special woman in our lives. You know... the one with the sweet personality, the really nice hair and a perfect face. She dates the more "adept" guys... but how can you get her to like you?

While men are primarily attracted to women based on their looks, a woman finds a man attractive because of his personality. A ideal man is an alpha male who's confident in himself and not afraid to take the lead and get what he wants out of life.

Ironically, what this means then is that the best way for a girl to like you is when she feels like she has EARNED you.

That's because to get a girl to like you, you should come from a mindset of high value. Never come from a position of neediness.

So the best attitudes to have towards any one particular woman are:

1. Nonchalance.

2. Non-attachment to whether she likes you or not. (By that I mean, if she likes you that's awesome, but if not, there are tons of other chicks out there who are equally as great as she is.)

The bottom line is that a woman should never be a challenge for you. Instead you should be a challenge for her.

In addition to placing a high value on yourself, you can also eliminate neediness by building up your social network. Make friends with as many women as you can. (Women are easy to make friends with.)

Also date as many women as you can... don't restrict yourself only to dating "that one special girl."

You see, the last thing you ever want to have going through your mind when you're around that special woman is, "God, I MUST have this girl! She's irreplaceable!" Having an abundance of women in your life will solve that problem.

Also, whenever a woman sees that other chicks are attracted to a guy, she too feels attraction. Psychologically, this is known as the "social proof" phenomenon... and it's much more powerful in women than men.

Ever noticed how your female friends drool over the guy at the corner of the bar who's got four babes at his table? That's social proof in action.

By the way, it's fine to think a girl is beautiful and to feel something strong for her.

Here's the key though... you must always remind yourself that there are LOTS of other women out there who are just as wonderful as that girl you really like.

If you start thinking that any girl is one of a kind, then that gives her power over you, and, ironically, makes her lose attraction to you.

So, you're free to think that a woman's amazing. Just remember that lots of other girls are amazing too. That way you won't become needy.

So remember, place a high value on yourself, make her earn your attention, and hang out with as many women as possible... those are the three secrets for how to get a girl to like you.

Your first date is probably the most date of all. Because if it does not go well, the chance is you will not get another chance to make it up. Therefore, you should try to your best to make the first impression. Follow these tips to make your date unforgettable.

Plan your date: A great date requires planning and research. It requires a great deal of thinking. You need to take your date to place that will impress him/her. For instance, if your date is athletic and active, you may want to take him/her to roller blade, swim, job, etc. If your date does not like sport, you may want to take him/her to the movie or museum.

Have An Element Of Surprise: Keep your date excited. Don’t tell him or her where you plan to take them. For instance, you can blindfold your date until you reach the destination.

Dress Up: You want to look your best. You do not only impressing your date with nice cloths when you dress well, but you also show you date that you respect him/her.

Be respectful: Always be respectful to your date. Even if it does not go well, it is important to be on your best behavior.

Have a good table manner: Your table manner is very important on the first date, because the other person don’t really know you. When you eat, try to avoid eating smelly and messy food. For instance, if you eat noodle, don’t slurp with loud noise.

One of a growing number of reasons frustrated singles turn to the help of a dating coach is to help them overcome fear of commitment or help them deal with a lover’s fear of commitment.

If you’ve been reading my articles, by now you know that for many years I was a commitment phobic. In one case, I backed out of a proposal the moment the words “yes” left my mouth. I got out of that one by pretending the “yes” was a joke. The other time, I just didn’t turn up at my own wedding - left the groom waiting at the altar. The third time, I really wanted to conquer the fear I had of commitment and decided the best way to do this was to do the “proposing”. Needless to say, I really made a complete ass of myself. The guy said “no”. As it turns out, it was the same guy I had said “yes” to and backed out by claiming it was a joke. The joke was on me the second time round…

So how did I overcome my fear of commitment - by facing my “demons” head on. My own experiences have provided me a lot of reference in my work helping other people overcome their own fears of commitment.

If you are fighting “commitment phobia”, you will identify with one or more of the most common fears men and women have about the commitment. And who knows may be you too will soon be enjoying a fabulous committed relationship – I am! And if you are in a relationship with someone struggling with making a decision as to whether to move on or not, you can show him or her that you are sensitive to his or her fears by helping him or her discover and confront his/her fears. Some these fears and anxieties are obvious; others are subtle.

1. Fear of the unknown.

New experiences and demands can be stressful. You don't know just what is round the corner, and you worry about this. You are more content to stick with status quo than to opt for an uncertain future. This fear is especially pronounced in those people who lack self-confidence and the fear can escalate when demands are made on us.

2. Fear of making a mistake

The decision not to decide is itself a decision, and frequently a mistake! This fear is common among men and women who have more choices they can pick from and the more the choices the greater the fear. You fear that you will regret the decision tomorrow, next week, or next month and so delay and drag out the process hoping that you won’t make a mistake or fail.

3. Fear of losing family and friends

We all rely on the support of family and friends. You fear losing those people who do not approve of your decision (family, friends, children from previous marriage etc) because you have a strong need for the social approval of others. But this fear is not simply about not being able to handle their anger or rejection but fear of when things go wrong – and having them say “I told you so”.

4. Fear of losing control.

We all want to feel that we have choices and are in control. And part of the sense of control is in being able to control the timing of a relationship (when and how it’ll happen). What usually happens is that everything is going on well, but once you feel that you are losing that control you freak out and back off.

Often if we have a bad experience we are influenced by it and almost expect history to repeat itself, setting up negative expectations. To overcome your fears pay attention to what you are privately saying to yourself when confronted with fear? What are the are your underlying personal beliefs about the fear. Write these beliefs on the left side of a piece of paper. On the right side, challenge your beliefs as if you were on the opposite side of a debate.

Next, go back to the last time(s) you experienced any of the fears above and didn't cope well with it leading you to doubt yourself. Ask yourself, “What is the worst thing that will happen this time?" Then again challenge your beliefs as if you were on the opposite side of a debate. You’ll be surprised how easy this is. By taking another side from your usually mindset, you’ll open your mind to another viewpoint.

Being in love is wonderful. There's nothing like it. But when it comes to start making decisions about commitment, sometimes you have to follow your head, not only your heart. With over 33% divorce rate in the United States, and over 50% infidelity rate, it's imperative that you know if he is the one for you, or that what your heart is telling you won't survive the test of time.

Before you rush into a commitment which may end in disaster, you need to make sure that your man and yourself share similar views about the important aspects of life and marriage.

Here are some things you have to find out what he thinks about before making a commitment:

1. Children - How many does he want to have, who will take care of them, where will they go to school, etc.

2. Religion - Does he believe in God, is he practicing some sort of religion, does he respect your views on religion and God, what religious upbringing will your children receive, etc.

3. Your career - Does he expect you be to a housewife or will you work, does he support your career, is he alright with the possibility that you may be more successful than him, etc.

4. Money - Does he plan to support you, what are his career prospects, does he plan to start his own business, how does he view work, etc.

5. Marriage - Does he believe in marriage, how does he view infidelity, etc.

There are a great deal more questions that you need to ask before making a commitment, but these 5 topics are the most important and a great place to start. Don't be afraid to ask questions. It's much better to find out things soon, than have a divorce later.

First impressions are more important than ever now that research has proven that it only takes a few minutes to predict whether a relationship is in the cards with those we meet for the first time.

There's good news for all of us hopeless romantics, romance-novel addicts and chick flick junkies. It turns out there's scientific merit to that whole "Love at First Sight" thing.

In fact, a recent study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships showed that the first few minutes of meeting someone has a huge influence on the course the relationship will ultimately take. (Which explains why you know before the drinks come that your "just perfect for you" blind date is a no-go, or that hunky online hottie has definite possibilities.)

Below are three tips to help you rev up your "first site" vibe, and add a little vaa-vaa voom to that crucial first three minutes:

Wear red. Or blue.
For women who want to create an on-the-spot thrill, wearing red is the way to go. According to colour experts, red is the most stimulating colour you can wear. In fact, wearing or seeing red actually increases blood flow, and mimics attraction.
If you're a guy, your best bet is to go true blue. Leatrice Eiseman, Director of the Pantone Colour Institute says women are attracted to men wearing the colour blue. Eiseman says, guys who frequently wear blue are "stable, faithful and always there." The blue guy is perfect for a serious relationship: he's reliable, faithful and can match his own clothes.

Smile.
Psychology and body language experts agree that smiling is one of the fastest and best ways to make yourself more attractive and approachable. It's not necessary to look like you're trying out for "Used Car Salesman of the Year" — just your usual "I'm happy to be here and I'm having a fantastic time" face will do the trick.

Instant Chemistry.
A study at the University of Chicago has shown that men associate the scents of cinnamon and vanilla with love. To kickstart your allure, women can wear a cinnamon-vanilla scented lotion or perfume.
According to Laura Davimes, aromatherapy expert, and owner of Herban Avenues, "Wearing cinnamon/vanilla blends increases the presence of pheromone-like substances and dramatically increases attraction."
The food-love connection continues: Women, according to the study, are drawn to a black licorice scent. So, keep some licorice in your shirt pocket. And, if you're at a nightclub and just happen to spill some Sambuca on your shirt, hey, don't worry about looking like a slob — just consider it your lucky night.

There are many things you can do to keep love alive and fresh, even in a relationship that’s been going well for awhile. Follow these easy steps to refresh your romance.

If you’re in a relationship, you know it’s easy to relax when love blossoms. But just because things are going well now, doesn’t mean you should stop putting in the effort relationship-wise. All partnerships require work to make them successful.

So how do you keep the love in your life?

Say thank you
Showing appreciation for the little things is something that can fall by the wayside when a relationship passes from the honeymoon stage. But try not to take things, even the little things, for granted; it’s a sure-fire way to lose that loving feeling

Compliment each other
Remember the reason you fell in love in the first place? The winning smile, the sparkling eyes, the way she dances, the way he always holds the door for you... Complimenting your loved one daily is a great habit to get into. Remind him of how handsome he is. Tell her that you appreciate something nice she did for you... Little things go a long way when it comes to love's longevity.

Three little words
You know you love your partner, but do you let them know often enough? It’s easy to assume that your partner knows they are loved by you. But there’s nothing nicer to hear than those three little words from the one you love. Say it often, say it with flowers, say it with passion, say it in a letter. Just remember to say it!

Make time for sex
Two busy people can equally be too busy for sex. But don't let the pressures of work and social commitments distract you from this essential part of a healthy relationship. While passion and lust naturally wane as a relationship becomes older, don't become lazy and complacent when it comes to your sex life. There's plenty you can do to keep the passion alive, just use your imagination.

Start dating again
Sound corny? But think back to the days when you were getting to know your partner for the first time. Remember the thrill of those first meetings, the candle-lit dinners, the long walks, talking all night about nothing and everything. There's no reason to lose that loving feeling, so help keep the excitement and anticipation in your love life by making a regular date with your partner. You could spend the morning in bed reading the Sunday papers, then head off to a local market, antique shop or junk store and browse for hours. When you get home, why not cook a meal together following a favourite recipe?

Finding Your Perfect Match

Most people have an idea of their 'type' when it comes to meeting someone new — tall, dark and handsome; slim, blonde and athletic; cuddly, friendly and reliable. These are all characteristics of the kind of person we are looking for, and usually take into account physical attributes, personality type and emotional traits.

But what about the 'type' of relationship we are looking for? This could range from short-term commitment, to someone to grow old and dribbly with, and yet for most people, the importance of a match in this department is not fully considered until things are well established, relationship-wise.

We've all heard stories of the seemingly perfect couple who, to everyone's surprise, go their separate ways after years of being together, because one wants kids and the other doesn't. Ever.

Or the couple that splits because he wants more quality time with her, and she wants to spread her wings? Classic relationship mis-matching.

Finding someone who'll make you happy and contribute to creating the kind of relationship you want requires some thought and effort on your part. Wafting through life without giving our relationship criteria some consideration might work for a lucky few, but for most of us, it ends in disappointment.

To get the most out of your relationships, be they long or short term, it pays to assess what you want at the start. Some key questions that you should answer when entering into a new relationship are:

The marriage question
Have you been fantasising about your wedding day since you were a child? Or would you be just as happy having some other sort of commitment such as a mortgage with your partner?

The future question
Do you have visions of growing old and grey with your partner? Or are you more of a serial monogamist, who's happy to have a few good years with someone before moving on to the next relationship?

The kids question
Is the tick from your biological clock deafening you? Or does the thought of snotty little brats fill you with dread? What do you think about a relationship involving children from a previous marriage or relationship?

The best friend question
Do you want your partner to be your best friend, or is there someone else in your life that your partner will never compete with when it comes to being a best friend?

The details question
Is it necessary for you to hear about every little incident and thought your partner has day in, day out? Or do you prefer to have some emotional space, preferring to hear only the Reader's Digest version of what your partner’s been up to?

The (in)dependence question
Are you looking for someone to do absolutely everything with, from your home life to your hobbies? Or are you happy with spending time being independent as well as together?

The sex question
Are you prepared to be in a relationship where the sex is so-so if every other aspect of the relationship is excellent? Perhaps sex is the most crucial aspect of your relationship? Identifying this up-front can help you choose more suitable partners.

Taking stock of what's important to you when it comes to a long-term relationship is a great start to finding the right person to share your life with. Keep in mind that your relationship criteria may change over time, and will also be influenced by other areas of your life such as work, family and friends. When looking for love, it pays to have an understanding of your perfect relationship, not just your dream guy or girl. Keep your relationship checklist up-to-date and refer to it when looking for someone new — and who knows? You just might find your perfect match.

A perfect ending
"I am deliriously happy. Being what some refer to as middle-aged, I was tentative about Internet dating. I had concluded that it was only for twenty-somethings after seeing the TV ads! I decided I had nothing to lose though and went ahead anyway. Within a week I was contacted by the wonderful man who has become the love of my life! We agreed to meet for coffee. We just walked, talked, dined and gazed into each others' eyes all along Melbourne's Southbank. Now, eight months later, we are planning to spend the rest of our lives together. I still cannot believe how quick it was to find that special someone.

Work environments, sporting interests, religious involvements, and political movements are all common areas that we get involved in and want to share with another. Our relationships are more intimate when we share more interests than the bedroom.

The most intimate relationships, those more intricately intertwined, are the most stable and long lasting.

A fake interest, one conjured up in order to appeal to another person and get them interested in you, conveys the illusion of an opportunity for intimacy. No wonder your partner is disappointed to find out he/she was deceived.

On the other hand, a real interest (and the resulting intimacy) can be developed.

I am amazed at how interesting virtually everything is when I know more about it. On the surface, most things appear pretty dull. When you dig deeper and gain an understanding of the players, the tactics, the intrigue (in sports, work, church, you name it), those formerly dull areas become exciting.

If you want to be more intimate, be more involved. Don't fake it!

If you do, you are not only lying, you are missing out on the fun! Take the time to actually find the fascination, to become involved, and you will not only be rewarded with increased intimacy, you will have grown as a person.

So, how do you get there?

Ask your partner (or the person you would like to have as a partner) about the subject. Become an aggressive student, learning all about it, from history to the present, and then start anticipating the future.

Or surprise your partner (or potential partner) by studying the subject on your own. Let him/her know you figured that if someone as interesting as this partner found the subject interesting, you would be "missing the boat" not to know more about it, too.

You have just become irresistible.

We all want to be around people we can relate to, and this is most important in the areas we are most interested in. The more obscure and unusual your shared interest, the more valuable the bond.

Anyone can share a sexual intimacy but only you offer that unique intimacy. You win!